After last night, I could never be a politician.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Also, beer. Big fan.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
