Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
