She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
