I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
