I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
