Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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