yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
