he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
4 words: hood of his car
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
