I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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