he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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