I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
