rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My vagina is very pro this idea
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize