I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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