that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
