How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
