Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i drank out of a bidet.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
soo... how was my night?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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