My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
