my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
