Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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