I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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