i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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