I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i wish my penis had a tongue
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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