The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize