she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you win again, gameday.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
