i just wanna soil my oats bro
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
