Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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