the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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