the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
