I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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