I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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