Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize