Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
