Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
