If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Randomize
