I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
