do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i think my mom watched the whole time
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
