If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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