hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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