he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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