Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
