I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
