Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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