o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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