Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
