just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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