i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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