You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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