There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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