I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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