Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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