Your tits are I can't wait for
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
