i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
