I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
