True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
