we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
