I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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