If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
