By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
