So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
